#imagine ruth’s interactions with anyone

[angevvine]

not sure how to articulate this but i’ll try my best

honestly one of the best parts of npmd/ hatchet field in general is the potential for dynamics

like every character is so fun and charming that u could basically mix and match them however and it always works

prolly most obviously is the idea of jon matteson’s characters being a family, the idea of them all at thanksgiving is brill, but why stop there?

like i could just put names in a generator and every result has dozens of scenarios and possible dynamics

they could hate each other or be madly in love and either way be in character

[swingingthehatchetnow]

Pete always averted his eyes around the homeless man downtown. Whether it was because he got awkward around social interaction or felt unwarranted guilt about the man’s situation, he’d never managed to look the man in the eyes before. He couldn’t describe his face if he tried.

That changed after Jägerman.

The things that used to be uncomfortable really weren’t anymore. After holding court with the Void, a man on the street really doesn’t seem all that intimidating. Ruth and Richie would’ve made fun of him if he was scared of the little things after the whole ordeal, he knew. It helped him to imagine their reactions. Coping and whatnot.

His walk home was lonelier. As were his study sessions and social life. But the walks home were when he really felt their loss. Even though Pete and Ruth lived in the opposite direction, they’d walk with Richie to his place, and then cut through downtown to get back to the other side of town, where he and Ruth would part ways near the Coldstone, both going to their respective homes.

He still followed that route. Coping. And whatnot.

It was just after noon. Pete had his AP statistics final in the morning, and had no class in the afternoon, because his teachers were proctoring other exams around the school. So here he was. Peter Spankoffski, walking through downtown Hatchetfield, alone. Steph had a full school day, so he wouldn’t see her until later.

“Excuse me, do you have a minute to talk about saving our planet?”

He turned. The Green Peace girl was at it again, with a wide smile and a clipboard in hand.

“It’ll only take a minute of your time,” she continued, now holding out a brochure. Trying to reduce the amount of time he had to talk to her, he took it wordlessly.

“I, um—” his voice cracked, and his face flushed red. Nobody else his age was still having voice cracks. He cleared his throat. “I’ll take a look at it. Saving the world and all.”

Not like he hadn’t done that once already.

The Green Peace girl smiled even wider, and did a little bouncey turn on her heel. The way she bobbed off reminded Pete of Steph when she was in a particularly happy mood. This thought relaxed him a bit.

He tucked the brochure into his pocket and continued walking, though he didn’t get far before he was cut off by someone else.

“Spare change for the homeless?”

Of course he knew that voice. Anyone who spent more than five minutes downtown knew about the homeless man.

Before he even looked at the man in front of him, Pete reached for his wallet. He’d just gotten a bonus at work, so he figured he had a few dollars to spare. Besides, his movie theater job paid surprisingly well.

He grabbed a $5 bill and turned to the man.

“Here you—”

He knew that face.

Older, sure, and a little lost-looking, but there was no doubt about it. Pete was looking at…

“Teddy?”

The 20 year age gap between the Spankoffski boys left them with an interesting dynamic. It was hard to feel like brothers sometimes when one of them was coming home from kindergarten while the other was getting a full time job at CCRP.

But they had their moments. When Pete was learning how to drive, Ted would let him use his car, even though he hadn’t gotten his license yet, or the night before freshman year, when Ted gave Pete his ‘Spankoffski guide to charming the ladies’ guidebook.

Hand trembling, holding out the $5 bill, Pete looked into the cloudy eyes of his older brother. His older older brother.

Somehow, some way… Ted was standing in front of Pete, a shadow of his former self.

“That’s way cool, man,” he said, taking the $5 from Pete. No sense of recollection could be seen.

“Ted, what happened to you…?” Pete watched Ted pocket the money. And then Ted… walked off. Just like that.

“Ted, wait!” Pete called after him, but Ted didn’t turn around. He simply tugged his hat down over his ears and walked off.

With trembling hands, Pete reached for his phone. He spent no more than 3 seconds looking for his brother’s contact info and hitting the call button.

One ring.

Two.

Three.

Four…

“Aren’t you supposed to be in school?”

Pete sighed in relief at the sound of his brother’s voice on the other end of the line.

“No,” he said, “my AP exam was today. Ted, I—” he paused, realizing he had no idea what he was going to say. How do you ask someone if they know that they’re the homeless man from downtown.

He lost his nerve.

“…I was just wondering if you want to hang out later. I— I got a new game, and—”

“Yeah, sure whatever. I get off work at the usual time.” A sound came from Ted’s end of the line, fabric shifting, like he’d adjusted how he was sitting. “Is that all? Because I was about to pull the ol’ Spankoffski charm on this barista that Paul is trying to snag.”

The familiarity of the conversation was enough to ease Pete’s worries. Sure, he’d held court with the Void, lost his two best friends, nearly got shot executioner-style, and ran into what he was certain was some version of his brother in the streets… but all that didn’t matter because somewhere in downtown Hatchetfield, Ted Spankoffski was fine. And so was Pete.

“I don’t say it a lot, but I’m glad you’re my brother, Teddy.”

“Sorry, I was talking to Charlotte. Did you say something?”

Pete smiled and hung up.

Maybe the universe was bigger than he knew and could ever understand.

So what.

[saraloveslove]

A day has passed since Liam was buried to rest forever and I feel I have to express what I have in the depth of my heart.

We all agree that we all wished for a private funeral where only Liam's true people attended and where those people were free to be themselves, but this wasn't it. Maybe because Liam's family wanted a respectful public goodbye or, most likely, because they knew they couldn't avoid it (the fact syco's people was there made me question if the family had actually a say in keeping the ceremony totally private).

So, paps were allowed but with strict rules and the details weren't disclosed until the very last. They did everything necessary to keep the dignity of the ceremony. And they did it.

In this scenario, I want to point out at what the boys did: they discussed it prior and they decided to show there separately and to interact the less possibile. The fact that there were paps imposed them to wear their TM trenchcoats but they did it in silence, they maintained the lowest profile possible. They sacrified their grieve to not offer any kind of side to paps for taking pictures of the "reunion", knowing too well how disgusting outlets were waiting for nothing but that. They didn't give anyone any chance to make it about One Direction; they made it only about Liam. They gave him all the respect and dignity he deserved that they only could give him, because they only truly loved him. (Apart his family, of course). This was the biggest final act of love they could do for him, and they did.

Ohana means family, and family means nobody is left behind

Another mention goes to Cheryl and the way she protected Bear. They very likely had their private moment and she kept him away from paps, disgusting people and speculations. I could think what I think about her as a woman in regard of her "relationship" with Liam, but as a mother she has my whole true respect.

And last, to Karen and Geoff. As a parent myself, I cannot even image what kind of devastation has been living in their hearts for all this time; and yet, just because I am a mother, I can perfectly imagine that. I have never stopped thinking at them since that cursed day, and the dignity they showed is something I admire deeply. I don't think I would be able to, if I were in their shoes.

Karen, Geoff, Ruth, Nicola, Bear, Harry, Louis, Niall and Zayn: I hope you can feel our love, I hope you can feel our warm hug. You are not alone in the grief; we'll do our best to keep Liam's memory alive and teach the world what beautiful man he was, and we'll do our best to keep his legacy alive, avoiding his death was invain. Just show us the path, and we'll follow it.

And last, to Liam: you'll live forever ❤️

[electronickingdomfox]

"The New Voyages" review

This one is actually a collection of short stories by fan authors, which makes the stories seem more like episodes of the series. It has also the distinct honor of being introduced by Roddenberry and most members of the cast. The stories are generally well-written and in character.

Some spoilers ahead:

Ni Var (by Claire Gabriel; intro by Nimoy) takes the plot of "The Enemy Within", but applied to Spock and the division between his Vulcan rational part, and his human emotional part. Besides the fact that I'm not sure such division works at that biological level, the two Spocks aren't all that different really. And it's not a very novel concept, specially right after a similar plot in previous book "Spock must die". But bonus points for Kirk giving the middle finger to his own reflection.

Intersection Point (by Juanita Coulson; intro by Doohan) is one of the best stories. The Enterprise is seriously crippled while navigating through an anomaly cloud, which is quickly contracting and threatens to crush the entire ship. Anyone who enters the cloud to retrieve a crucial component of the ship, is mentally destroyed by its eldritch qualities. Great tension and difficult choices.

The Enchanted Pool (by Marcia Ericson; intro by Nichols) is an attempt to write a fairy tale with Spock thrown in the middle for good measure. A bit of purple prose, and doesn't quite work. The resolution of the mistery is ingenous, even when convoluted.

Visit to a Weird Planet Revisited (by Ruth Berman; intro by Barrett) is actually the other half of a fanfic (Visit to a Weird Planet, not published here) where Kirk, Spock and Bones end up in the real world, right in the studio where they're filming Star Trek. Here instead, we follow the actors, who appear in the Enterprise and have to improvise to avert a danger. The other story was more fun, since Kirk and co. are more clumsy and hilarious in our world (being even "attacked" by fans), while the actors are just slightly less competent than their counterparts.

The Face on the Barroom Floor (by Eleanor Arnason and Ruth Berman; intro by Takei) is a really fun story. Kirk gets into a fight in a bar while in shore leave, is detained, teams up with a ratty thief, and crashes a party, while his crew search for him frantically. In the line of TOS best comedy-adventure episodes.

The Hunting (by Doris Beetem; intro by the editors) is a bit "meh". Spock goes into a Vulcan ritual which requires to mind-meld with a wild beast, and McCoy accompanies him. When Spock goes wild in the process, the good doctor has to hunt him and give him back his sanity. There could have been a more homoerotic fight between them, as in "Amok Time".

The Winged Dreamers (by Jennifer Guttridge; intro by Kelley) is another high point. The Enterprise crew falls under the influence of some creatures that make their fantasies seem real. So real that people can actually die if imagining the wrong thing. Spock is less affected, but slowly begins to hallucinate too, and the triumvirate fall into paranoia as neither they (nor the reader) can tell what's real and what's not anymore.

Mind-Sifter (by Shirley Maiewski; intro by Shatner) drags a bit at the beginning, when Kirk wakes up in a sanatory, his mind almost destroyed. It gets more interesting once Spock and McCoy start a quest to search for him. Great interactions between these two, reminiscent of "The Tholian Web".

After the eight stories there's still a little poem about Spock and Leila.

Spirk Meter: 10/10*. Not all stories are equally slashy, but the parts which do, are slashy in spades.

Ni Var has Kirk worrying about Spock all the time, and "human Spock" wondering if what he feels for the Captain is friendship... or love (something which happens too in one of Roddenberry's story concepts for a movie, around this time).

Intersection Point has a clear parallel between the anguish of a female crewmember, after a man (obviously her boyfriend) loses his mind in the anomaly, and Kirk agonizing once Spock has to enter the same anomaly.

The Enchanted Pool, where Spock refuses to kiss a beautiful female time and time again. Even when the woman assures him it's the only way to break a spell and escape. Even when Spock is doing far more dangerous things ALL THE TIME to solve problems. Of course, he considers the kiss a total waste of time once it doesn't work.

The Face on the Barroom Floor: Kirk is invited to a bar by McCoy and Sulu, who have found three women to pass the time, one for each. What does Kirk do? He gets out the bar two seconds later, puts on a samurai costume, and goes instead to a bar full of muscular, rowdy men, to get thrashed by them. Of course.

The Winged Dreamers has Spock wishing to stay on a planet with Kirk, just the two of them, for ever and ever. McCoy totally gets what's going on.

And I thought that Mind-Sifter would be about the love between a (quite unproffesional) nurse, and her mentally unstable patient, Kirk. But oh man, where do I even begin!? For starters, we have Kirk using his mind link with Spock to cry for help, across the galaxy and several centuries. And later he's concerned about how much can Spock read into his mind. Then we have McCoy informing the nurse that no, Kirk can't stay with her, because his love is his career and his... (trails off, having said too much). Gallant Spock carries an unconscious Kirk in his arms, and tells the nurse that, no matter how much she loves him, Kirk DOES NOT love her back (bitch!). If that wasn't enough, there's a lenghty conversation at the end, where Kirk almost melts in love and appreciation for Spock, and the Vulcan blushes at his own emotional display.

*A 10 in this scale is the most obvious spirk moments in TOS. Think of the back massage, "You make me believe in miracles", or "Amok Time" for example.

[mostlyghostlyy]

Haven’t seen anyone mention the fact that he lives with Harkers mom. Would be a very weird living arrangement, especially if he had an S/O on top of all that

Yeah, I'm actually not even sure how Ruth and Dale got to that conclusion. Like I'm imagining, it was really weird for her to begin with. How would you guys feel if you were threatened into complying and he just moves into your basement? Where was he living before? It's actually really funny. I would have liked to have had more in-depth interactions with them so we could've gotten a feel for their dynamic.

Imagine Ruth is just going about her day, and she sees this absolute joker pulling this pretty little thing (us) into the basement with him. I think she'd lose her shit. I think Cobble would be very secretive of you, but also somehow flaunting you? Oh my God, imagine her walking in on an intimate moment. He would be so irate. Slamming the door and yelling furiously like an angry teenager.

I think he'd expect to move in with you. No way he would be eager to stay with Harker after he meets you. He wouldn't be asking. It would be demanding. Or perhaps you come home one day to find all of his stuff already moved in. Why would he bother to ask if the outcome is going to be the same whether you said yes or no?

[weltato]

hey!! all of your hatchetfield stuff is so cool omg, i love ur account. i was wondering, if like,, the entire hatchetfield side of tumblr performed npmd, which blog would u cast as each character ? XD

Aww, tysm! <3

Idk if I know that many accounts but I can try 😅😂

Ruth - @jewishruthfleming for obvious reasons. Partly the name but also because you feel very Ruth-coded to me Olive <3

Richie - @androgynous-sack-of-flesh-3 gives me "sit at the back of the class and has a million internet friends but will not speak up in the classroom" vibes. Idk how true the weeaboo aspect of Richie would be, but the other stuff for sure.

Steph - @marvelmaniac715 idk why, I just feel like you'd fit Marvel. Steph is very opinionated and open about it, and she gets to tell Jon Matteson to grow up. She's the main character that interacts with him the least iirc. Have fun!

Pete - @lilacthebooklover you have the energy of Pete being terrified to walk down a certain hallway, but as soon as you're trying to meet up with someone you care for you'll go through hell or high water for it.

Grace - I hate to say it, but me 😅 I'm not an uptight bitch like Grace, but I am a Christian who's never had a crush before, so I can imagine some weird things going down when that happens. Also, Black Book. I get funky powers. And the most chilling line of the show at the end. Who wouldn't be excited for that? (I know it's the ensemble that sings it and not Grace but can you imagine just being in the middle of that? So cool!)

Detective Shapiro - @queermarzipan the line "ON THE GROUND BITCH, I'M A COP!" feels like something you'd say. It gives me big "yeh prove it asshole, we're the army" vibes and something about those lines fits your chaotic energy.

That's all I've got anon! Sorry I couldn't add more, I don't know anyone with enough jock energy to fill Max.

If anyone tagged here has more they want to add on, feel free!

[spigosaur]

VERY new to the Hatchetfield-verse. NPMD was the first ever Starkid musical I’ve seen so I’m trying to learn about the rest of the series

Uhhh lemme see- Headcanons…

Richie having an Asuna body pillow makes me think he’d quote the SAO abridged series. “Take the worst thing you can think of and multiply that by cancer” is something Peter and Ruth hear a lot

Ruth is actually well liked in the theatre program. The actors appreciate all she does and invite her to cast parties. Only reason she’s never gone is cause she thinks it’s some kind of prank (projecting as a former theatre kid—)

Stephanie would be into fanfiction culture. She just has the vibes/pos

Grace described Judas’ betrayal to Ruth and Stephanie once and they described it as “Toxic Yaoi”. She doesn’t tell them Bible lore anymore—

Heyoh!

I'm also kinda new to the fandom. I've watched tgwdlm and Black Friday a few years ago, but I didn't find out about nmt and never interacted with the fandom before npmd. But either way, welcome to hatchetfield and thanks for sending your headcanons!

I don't know if that's what you're referring to but in the show Richie only mentions his body pillows of Rei and Asuka (from Neon Genesis Evangelion) but I don't think that invalidates your hc at all! That obnoxious little disaster of a boy is constantly making references to the weebiest shit and when people don't understand him he calls them uncultured. (Ruth and Pete understand so many anime references because of him without ever having seen any of the media they're from)

Your Ruth hc makes me sad because it makes me think that she's been pranked in that way before and now she doesn't trust anyone who "pretends" to like her anymore :c

Steph I 100% agree with. She has that certain something, the alt style, she's totally a fandom girl. Although most people, even among her friends, don't know that about her. She probably has a tumblr nobody knows about where she yells about her obsessions but irl she never shows that side of herself until she starts hanging out with the nerdy prudes. Seeing them shamelessly gushing over their interests encourages her to let out her inner nerd too. When she eventually starts sharing her fanfics with the others, they're very supportive.

I don't think Grace would know what "toxic yaoi" means so now I'm imagining her being quite happy that her friends reacted so positively to a bible story just for her to look up what that means and. Yes I see why she wouldn't talk to them about bible lore anymore...

[mythicandco]

tmc queer headcanons because why not I s'pose

by the way don't ship anyone or I will put you in the cube. the BAD one

general orientation stuff:

Mark's aroace, uses he/him pronouns, and has trans vibes but I'm not totally sure? maybe agender. Cesar's pan, trans, maybe poly or ambiamorous? and fine with any pronouns (genderfluid before the word for that existed because. he died before 1994) but prefers he/him most of the time (can be very fem presenting though! lots of eyeliner and dresses n such. they're rocking it)

just for sillies, the whole BPS is bi. Evelin's bi and prefers guys (she's not DIRECTLY part of the 'Society but still), Sarah's bi and prefers girls, Jonah's bi and ALSO prefers guys, and Adam's quoiromantic bi-ace because I've gotta project onto SOMEBODY

Evelin uses she/her and sometimes they/them if she feels like it, Sarah's a transgirl and uses she/her, Jonah's a transguy and uses he/they, and Adam is Adam. (we don't. we don't know what he has going on but he prefers he/him)

Thatcher's ALSO bi (trans, he/him), Ruth is demi and cishet (she/her), and Dave's aroace n agender (I dunno why I feel like both of Alex's characters are aroace? they just. those are the Vibes yknow?). they also occasionally use they/them but usually he/him

all of the alts besides Adam are triple a - aro, ace, agender (get it? because. 333-) and use they/it but I think Gabriel and Six play around with he/him as well

additional things 'cause why not:

Mark and Cesar are stupid and codependent. thank you so much, mustang, for putting them permanently in my brain forever /lh, pos. also their dynamic is really funny because Cesar has like a guy draped over one arm a gal on the other and Mark's like "I don't get it but ok cool" I dunno I laugh thinking about that kind of interaction. they also would probably joke about how Mark let Cesar have all of his gender if they actually knew what that meant

bisexual pride society. that's it that's all I have to say about them

Ruth probably said she was an ally and didn't identify as demisexual because she didn't know that was a thing and died before the term was even coined, but if she did she'd be like "omg that's me!" and now I'm making myself sad thinking about it

Ruth also dated a girl once but ultimately decided it wasn't her thing (I imagine they're still really good friends tho!) because it's okay to try stuff out and decide it doesn't fit you

Dave never needed no bitches, but he does give surprisingly good dating advice (got it by watching Thatcher struggle all through high school. Thatcher, for the record, gives AWFUL advice.)

also the mcp3 went to a pride rally at least once before things went to shit. they deserve it

[sanssoucisims]

We’re going wayyyy back in time for this one.

Meet Rose and her closest friend (besides her future husband), Kira!

Rose - or as she was previously known, Princess Rosalind - spent the first few years of her life in a very wealthy but warm household. As the title in her name implies, she was a member of royalty! When she was eight years old, however, she was essentially kidnapped by her own mother (who was less than pleased about the royal lifestyle and thought her daughter needed a more “traditional” upbringing) and taken to live in a different country. She was berated, gaslit, and occasionally physically punished by her mother even for the slightest thing that was seen as “unacceptable”. Her mother, named Ruth, would put a stop to the king’s efforts to find their daughter by concocting the narrative that he was “power-hungry” and neglected his daughter in favor of his son. In actuality, that was all lies.

Yeah, Ruth seemed to forget the Victorian Era ended like... centuries ago.

When Rose was around eleven years old, Ruth reached out to a variety of orphanages and ended up adopting a girl from Russia named Kira. At first glance, it seemed like she was showing a smidge of kindness and giving her daughter a friend she could interact with, but she also wanted some “extra help” around the house... that being someone she didn’t have to pay for any services. Kira was subjected to even worse maltreatment from her new “mother”, but what made it just slightly better was having someone the same age around for company.

Rose actually took to Kira really well almost immediately, and from then on, they would be kindred spirits. Not only did they share a genuine interest in each others’ lives but they also had a common interest: to be independent, without anyone to control or judge them for who they were.

They took comfort in confiding in each other, and their most favorite pastime was to just explore the outdoors (beyond the stuffy, dreary home where they lived) and dream of the better lives they wanted to live. These occasions were rare and far between (considering Ruth thought it was “unladylike” for her daughter to run around outdoors where she could soil her clothing and often demanded cleaning and other chores from Kira), but when they finally had time for themselves and Rose’s mother couldn’t think of anything to occupy their time, the girls took their chances and ran.

Occasionally, they would let their imaginations run wild as well, pretending the world around them was more fantastical and free, and they were grown up and able to do the things they dreamed of doing. Rose was a princess, of course, though she’d also pretend she was allowed to walk freely out of her castle and brighten her subjects’ lives with her love of music. Kira, on the other hand, wanted to live peacefully in a quaint home with a vast garden, and wanted to help other people (especially children) who were less fortunate than her.

Fortunately, decades later, Rose and Kira would escape from the clutches of the former’s mother (as well as Rose’s fiancé... oop, spoilers). If you’re wondering what they look like today, well... stay tuned! I’ll definitely post something featuring the two grown-up kindred spirits one of these days. <3

[notoxymoronic]

Reality TV and Social Media

Upon reading and analysing the article by Deller, titled “Chapter Six: Reality Television in an Age of Social Media” from the journal titled Reality Television: The TV Phenomenon That Changed the World, I gained insight into the ways in which social media has changed the nature of fame and self-presentation online, in regards to reality micro-celebrities.

It argues that social media has allowed for the rise of microcelebrities - which could include individuals that use social networking sites to build their own personal brand (Dellar 2019), and can be defined as internet celebrities on a small scale in a specific niche (Funn & Falkof 2021). Microcelebrities are seen as a type of digital performance that combines visual techniques of corporate branding with internet distribution technologies (Dellar 2019).

The article also distinguishes between microcelebrity and online or internet celebrity, which are those who have achieved a certain level of fame beyond their immediate niche. Like reality TV stars, these online celebrities are perceived to have remained in touch with their amateur roots, and they are expected to maintain a sense of authenticity in order to appear genuine to their audience (Dellar 2019), although many microcelebrities from Australian Reality TV appear to have a hard time saying no to brand deals, and only the successfully transparent few are able to filter through sponsorships that align with their core values, at least in my experience on platforms like Instagram.

Celebrities and micro-celebrities can use social media to bypass traditional media platforms and communicate directly with their fans, which in the case of reality TV stars have it well, as they are particularly a more accessible branch of celebrity, so fans may feel more likely to try to reach out to them in a more meaningful way, in the hopes that their favourite reality star might notice them. However, this also opens up a door to a more negative side, where “trolls” or haters can inflict negativity and even cast death threats to these microcelebrities, as they may feel that they are more likely to get a reaction from them, especially since they are more accessible than traditional celebrities (McLaren 2021).

The article also notes that some celebrities use social media primarily to promote their own brand or to drive audiences to other sites of stardom, such as magazine interviews or TV shows (Dellar 2019). Many have even tried to start their own networks, podcasts, small businesses and health brands as a result of their rise to reality TV fame, usually something related to the niche-ness of the character tropes that they exampled on their relevant TV shows and thus capitalising off of that.

So while social media can allow for self-expression, self-presentation, self-promotion and marketing, it in turn opens these stars up to a larger discourse regarding the authenticity of their character/brand, essentially “holding up a mirror to human behaviour and interaction”, which is a confronting thought for anyone that has stopped to think about it (Dellar 2019).

References:

Deller, Ruth A, (2019) Extract: 'Chapter Six: Reality Television in an Age of Social Media', in Reality Television: The TV Phenomenon That Changed the World (Emerald Publishing). 

Dunn, C, Falkof, N, (2021), You've Got to Be Real: Authenticity, ‘Performativity and Micro-Celebrity in South Africa’, Front Sociol Journal, National Library of Medicine online, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8138309/

McLaren, B., (2021), ‘Trolling After Reality TV: ‘It’s Worse Than I Could Have Imagined’, Grazia Magazine, https://graziadaily.co.uk/life/tv-and-film/married-at-first-sight-love-island-trolling-reality-tv/

[holisticsoulhealer]

Good Differences - A Spiritual Story

I love taking every opportunity there is in celebrating all the good differences that make each of us so entirely unique. I hope you, my darling readers, feel that in all that we do, and in the special union that now exists with Jeff and I.

Union is the very thing that is accomplished when we recognize and accept all the many differences and characteristics we all have.

I have witnessed all the many layers that drive wedges between people, and can so often see how to solve those gaps, acknowledge our amazing and unique differences, and return to greater love. In saying that, I would be remiss if I didn’t admit that I myself have left some huge relationships behind, in order to respect myself and be true to who I am. My heart doesn’t let go lightly, even though letting go is very much a personal core ingredient of evolving to this life of mine.

I remember many years ago, meeting with a really bubbly, fun woman at a retreat center, in Northern California. You know when you meet up with someone and there’s an instant familiar sense………they feel like family and it’s instantly comfortable simply being in their presence? She was like that and her whole demeanor was super cool, even with her name being “Sage.”

We were in the same class, learning spiritual principles, and pushing the envelope of opening the heart and claiming more personal understanding. I was “all in” with that class and Sage was delightful company. She was in my bunk house, and I related more to her than anyone else there.

On day two of the five day retreat, Sage asked me if she could be entirely honest, and of course I said yes. She told me sweetly and in an almost shy way that she was someone who preferred the company of women on every level, and was not only drawn to me as a friend, loving my British accent and fun slightly quirky sense of humor, but she was also attracted to me, and wondered if there was any possibility I would ever feel the same. She asked me in such an honest and gentle way, that I wouldn’t have to face her with any rejection or acceptance. It was simply a shared observation and an open hearted question.

I walked with her, letting her know that I had a preference for men on the romantic and sensual level. I did tell her, however, that if I’d have ever imagined or considered a relationship on every level with a woman, it would be an honor to explore that with her. She was filled with all the good differences that anyone would be fortunate to be around. She smiled, hugged me, and we thoroughly enjoyed the rest of our time at that retreat. I was really happy that I witnessed her meeting a lovely woman, who was interested in her on every level, which then completed that interaction we had shared.

 As always, please share this post with anyone that you feel can benefit from it! Please like us on your social media channels and subscribe to our mailing list if you haven't already done so! We are mailing out a monthly newsletter and a recap each week of our blog posts and interesting tidbits! This is how you can stay informed with what is new in the world of The Holistic Soul Healer!!

Love & Blessings,

Ruth

Get personal with your Angels!! Connect with me and see what they have to say!!

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[bardicindignation]

Reasons Why the Master Should've Been the Timeless Child

Okay, so I was re-watching some Doctor Who the other day, and I got to thinking about all of the problems I had with Chibnall's writing with the Master (rip Missy's excellent character development) and the whole 'Timeless Child' thing in general. And then it occurred to me that it would make way more sense (and, in my opinion, far more compelling) if the Master had been the Timeless Child instead of the Doctor.

and then I talked to @rhea-imagined about it and decided that I would make my first attempt and a semi-coherent meta post:

It would make the Master going absolutely apeshit and destroying all of Gallifrey even after all of the progress Missy had made make, just, so much more sense

Ruth and the whole 'past regenerations that the Doctor doesn't remember' thing can totally stay. Maybe the Doctor was one of the original Timelords to receive regenerations but didn't know where they'd come from. They find out and, being themself, rescue the Master, steal a Tardis and run away.

That could go a long way to explaining why the timelords hate them so much, plus the whole "wanted for a bunch of crimes thing" bc god knows the Time Lords wouldn't let them go easily and wouldn't put setting the Judoon on the Doctor beyond them at all. Plus, it's the Doctor, so they're running into all sorts of trouble along the way anyhow

(just now realizing that, technically, this would make the Master the Doctor's first companion, which is extremely funny)

And the Doctor and the Master spend who knows how long running from Gallifrey, planet to planet, world to world, causing and solving problems in equal measure, and they're the best (and most chaotic of course) of friends

and the Master still chooses the name Master, but it's really short for (or else it just doesn't quite come across in translation) 'Master-of-One's-Own-Fate'

But then the timelords catch up, and it's over. But the Master is so important, and the Doctor so brilliant (and therefore useful, and also as leverage), that they can't just kill them and so they erase both of their memories entirely.

And all of this would go a long way to explaining the Doctor and the Master's relationship, as well as why the Master is Like That because

everything that happened would result in, just, an enormous amount of trauma: rage, hurt, fear, emotional pain, the whole kit and caboodle, which wouldn't necessarily go away with a memory wipe

what the memory wipe would do is take away any means that the Master would have had to deal with it: speaking from personal experience, it's almost impossible to deal with that kind of emotion in any kind of constructive way if you have no idea why you're feeling it

So what you end up with is a genius (who, to be honest, might not have been the most stable of beings before the memory wipe) with a near-bottomless well of all of that mess of emotion and trauma with no direction for it whatsoever. Add to that the High Council electing to send back the signal to save Gallifrey and driving the Master mad at age eight...yeah, they pretty much screwed the Master (and themselves, and the Doctor) over with that one, on top of all the other ways they'd already been screwed over

So: insane, incredibly traumatized genius who's filled to the brim with rage with no direction. Why does he fixate on the Doctor? because of their interactions in the past:

He loves the doctor because they were friends, and the doctor tried SO HARD to save him, and he HATES the Doctor because the doctor should be able to save him, should KNOW and UNDERSTAND him better than anyone and it's like they don't REMEMBER HOW

(Which, of course, isn't rational, because them getting caught wasn't the doctor's fault, and it's not the doctor's fault that they don't remember anything, but, again, if you don't know why you feel something you can't cope with it, suss it out and deal with it)

and then meanwhile, you've got the Doctor, who's also got an unhealthy dose of trauma from everything just, perhaps, somewhat less severe, and they haven't been driven insane by the drums.

What the Doctor's got is this perpetual feeling of guilt for failing the Master, even when stuff happens that isn't in any way shape or from their fault, or even having anything to do with them, because they tried SO HARD in that past life to save them, and it didn't work. Helloooo, guilt complex (that they probably already had, this just makes it worse)

(Also goes a long way to explain the whole insane amount of mercy and forgiveness and love the doctor had for the master)And so, even when the Master becomes Missy and the madness is gone, there's still that rage, and still with no direction, because she CANT REMEMBER so she takes it out on what she always does: that which is important to the doctor

Which, incidentally, is WHY the whole basement imprisonment stuff was beginning to work, because Missy was finally starting to figure out that she isn't actually angry with the doctor at all, doesn't hate them

also, I'd like to think, that after the Master finds out the truth, the whole O thing, would have gone VERY differently

Like, still would've been a total shitshow, but maybe not so much with the world domination and they trying to kill the doctor and her friends because he's finally found where his anger actually goes (and had already begun to figure out where it DOESN'T while he was Missy)

(He still doesn't explain anything useful, bc he still (rather pettily) hates that the doctor forgot and wants her to figure it out herself, rip)

And maybe, when the Master is the timeless child, he doesn't burn all of Galiffrey. Maybe he leaves the civilians, the ones who aren't time lords, who didn't know, didn't benefit the way the Time Lords did. Maybe he leaves the children, who didn't know better, because he's seen what these people DO to children, and its not their fault. Maybe he leaves the Doctor's adopted family and any of their kids/grandkids who are still alive, bc they always cared for them, both of them, and they never knew either

Maybe he only burns the old, callous, cowardly and cruel timelords who got them into this damn mess in the first place and did nothing to fix it, those high handed bastards who would have seen him and the doctor utterly destroyed and gladly profited from their pain

(maybe he waits for the Doctor to figure stuff out, and they make a bonding experience out of blowing up the Citadel or something and then leave again. If Romana's still around, she can be in charge lol.)

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

[a-hundred-jewels]

puppet history s5 theories

FROM S3E6

<> Okay, so what’s the deal with Dorothy Ruth, the Molasses Horse’s wife? She died in the molasses flood along with her husband and, if we saw her on the show, was definitely also one of the Professor’s “abominable puppet creations messing with the fabric of time.” So why wasn’t she also in Puppet Purgatory? This could be explained in several ways. Maybe she wasn’t actually real? What if she was a figmant of imagination created by the genie (yknow, Hot Daga, Maizy-the-Corn style) meant to lure the Molasses horse into death? (<i>I hope my wife died too / so I can see her soon / and kiss her spooky horse ghost lips. / And stare into her gorgous, fucked up, oblong horsey pupils / as we drift into the vast abyss. / I guess I’m ready to go / into the great unknown. / It’s been a lovely horsey life.</i>) This might also explain why the Molasses Horse has become minorly insane, starring in an unhinged cooking show where he cooks with molasses, which he mentioned disliking in his S3 Finale song. (<i>My brother has a kidney stone / I sure hope that it passes. / Unrelated, but one thing / I don’t like is molasses.</i>)

FROM S4E1 

<> Ok, obviously we NEED to talk about the end-credits scene. I, being the one of most gullible and easily confused people I’ve met (but don’t worry, I have my strengths), genuinely thought at first that people HAD been complaining about the lore and the Shane really WAS promising to scale it back. I figured it out after the glitch at the end though lol. So this bullet point is just about why the glitch happened. Was that a predecessor to the glitches that would happen in the Puppet Pop-Ins (side note, but I love them just…adding those. No explanation. King shit) as the season went on. Was it to symbolize the genie slowly taking control? I could also be that, although he always loses, Ryan is an integral part of Puppet History and, after he made a deal with the devil, and, subsequently, Asmodeus and the genie, Puppet History itself started to kind of…melt? Like there’s no doubt that Ryan’s (SCRIPTED! CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH) betrayal of the Professor was what allowed the Professor’s death to happen, but with the glitches and those purple glows and shit, we really were shown the genie’s slow gaining of control over the season.

<> (i was going to add more to this section but yknow what im tired)

FROM THE 2021 HOLIDAY SPECTACULAR

<> During the funeral, a hologram (or maybe a ghost???) of the Professor appeared and, among other sentiments, told the puppets in a creepy, slow voice, “don’t forget to say your prayers.” First of all, what the fuck was that? It’s never actually cleared up how the Professor appeared or what that meant. Was it a ghost? It looked like a hologram, what with the flickering, but that still doesn’t explain why it was there. Also, the Professor never seemed particularly religious. He engaged with the supernatural, and certainly knew of God, the devil, and Hell, but he never interacted with any of those things in a religious manner. So, why would he tell the puppets to say their prayers? Perhaps the Professor’s appearance was some manipulation of God, who might somehow benefit from prayers. Maybe, since the appearance of the Professor directly led to the discussion of souls and whether or not puppets have them, ergo leading to God’s appearance, the hologram was just a way for God to yeet their way into the episode. This (in my opinion) is still one of the most bizarre parts of the Spectacular and I can’t think of a proper reason for it. Tbh, an explanation for the Professor hologram is 100% exclusively what I want for xmas. 

<> Why it's constantly mentioned that the professor's death is “canonical?” Are we leaving canon? Is this multiverse shit? If anyone’s familiar with <a href=”https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Staged”>Staged</a> Season 2, they’ll know that, rather than continuing on in a linear story, the second season is about the aftermath of the first season, which is real television in the context of S2 (as in, S2 starts off with a (fake–but real in the context of the show) interview with David Tennant and Michael Sheen about the success of “Staged”). Perhaps PH S5 is going to take a similar approach, somehow? Like was said in the funeral song, “the lore got deep.” Maybe S5 will be actually truly lore-less and will start with something like Shane saying in a meeting that he’s making a bigger puppet and that’s why he killed off the Professor. Maybe the promo material, has just been the origin story of this new Professor. (Unlikely, because I think Watcher knows many of their fans would be unhappy about this, even though it would explain the “canonical” death thing).

<> Why do the puppets have FOOTAGE of the professor's death? Usually, there's only footage of things that the Professor describes as having happened in history, things that are canonically made by Watcher editors. The Professor’s death doesn’t quite fit that category. After all, Death vaguely remembering “processing the death of a little blue nerd with a satchel” doesn't seem like enough for actual footage. (This could be due to the Purgatory thing. However, that wouldn’t explain the footage at the end of S4E6, which we know exists in canon bc the same footage was shown at the Professor’s funeral). 

<> Death says he remembers processing "a little blue nerd with a satchel," during the interview with Book in the Holiday Spectacular. But, when the Professor’s death by T-Rex is shown at the end of S4E6, his satchel is seen falling somewhere else, NOT into the dinosaur’s mouth along with the Professor. Would he somehow get it later when his death was being processed or does Death have it wrong somehow? After all, the Molasses Horse is still shown covered in molasses every time we’ve seen him after his death. If he looks the same as he did when he died, shouldn’t the Professor’s body also follow that rule? (i.e. shouldn’t he NOT have his satchel?)

<> During the funeral song, there’s an oddly specific note about the Beef Boy (aka Ryan Bergara) maybe “saving the day, somehow. But probably not.” Most PH fans can agree that’s a direct implication that Ryan will be involved in the Professor’s return. What if he goes in the opposite direction from his previous alliance, and makes a deal with God?

<> The fact that Ryan's bit of the memorial video is filmed in front of the <a href=”https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=waGXWSfKP2c”>Ghost Files</a> set, which they described as having a holding place for ghosts, might indicate that there’s going to be something to do with the Professor’s ghost–maybe even a crossover between PH and Ghost Files. After all, GF was even mentioned in the funeral song, and we’ve seen that there’s a taped outline of the Professor’s body on the floor of the GF set. (May be unlikely–PH S5 promo seems to be leaning towards a “rebirth” sort of thing, rather than ghosts). 

FROM S5 PROMO STUFF

<> Is the Professor being born into a new, massive body? In one episode of S4, the Professor made a comment about “hopefully being a little bigger” if he was reborn. In the end credits of the S4 finale, the Professor was swallowed by a T-Rex, known as one of the biggest carnivorous dinosaurs. Then, in the end credits of the Holiday Spectacular, we saw the Professor in a womb, presumably the womb of a T-Rex, which can be scientifically described as “fucking massive.” Finally, the S5 promo showed the Professor being born from an egg (probably a T-Rex egg). If the Professor is being born from a regular-sized T-Rex egg, then he’d be gigantic. Is that the evolution that’s occurring? In that case, how would the Professor go from being eaten, to being in a womb? Scientifically, that doesn’t seem quite right. (But let’s trust the creator of <a href=”https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYruGMXA5w8”>Extreme Science</a> to have thought that out). 

<> While it might just be a sort-of tease, with Watcher saying “not sure about who’s going to host it, though” about PH S5, there’s a chance it could mean a literal change in host. WTF would that mean?????

WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT

<> Okay, first off I’ve seen some people on the internet speculating about the returning of PH being sort of a bashing of Ryan, and I personally don’t really like that. I don’t think it’s fair to either Real-Person-Ryan or, for that matter, PH-Character-Ryan (because, at the end of the day, this show IS fictional and, in the context of PH, Ryan Bergara is a character) for a number of reasons. Most obviously, Person Ryan is worth more than that, both as a member of Watcher Entertainment and as, like, a human. He might be a character in the show, as said previously, but it would be foolish not to acknowlage that the line is thinner than in most cases with Puppet History. But also, Character Ryan is more complicated and interesting than just his involvement in the Professor’s death, and his development over the show (specifically in the episodes–again, talking about Ryan-as-a-character right now) deserves more than an endpoint of just being sad and remorseful over the Professor’s death. And honestly I think that if that’s what you’re hoping for in S5, or you’re one of the people who doesn’t like to separate Character Ryan’s scripted actions in PH from him as a person, you really need to rethink your priorities. 

<> With that out of the way, WHAT IF RYAN HOSTS THE FIRST EPISODE? (Look, bare with me, I’m on an airplane while making these notes, I’m going feral). Seriously, though, it would certainly be one of the more plausible explanations of how S5 would start. What if (Character!!!) Ryan decided he was sick of being held responsible for the end of PH and so starts up a new season himself, either hosting it as his human self, or making his own puppet to take over. Maybe then, the Professor (if it is, in fact, him who we saw getting birthed out that egg) will be so mad about PH going on without him that he’ll somehow harness his powers (if he still has them?? Srsly. Feral.) and yeet back into the present to take over. 

<> What if Shane comes in as a character? What if Character Shane is revealed to be the human(?) version of the Professor who was eating jellybeans to stay a puppet. After all, it has already been (somewhat jokingly) suspected that the Professor was once human and that he’d been turned via jelly beans (as we saw happen with Garrick Bernard during the show). Perhaps this could also be combined with the Buzzfeed Unsolved Supernaturnal theories that Shane is an immortal demon, and have the <i>Professor</i> be an immortal demon (which would explain why he got reborn after being eaten by a dinosaur). In that case, the timeline could look something like this (or somethng wildly different–again, airplane + I’m sleep deprived): Shane is born. Shane starts eating jelly beans to be a puppet, which also turns him into a demon. The Professor is killed and sent back to the Cretacious Period, which accidently wakes up his human self (Shane). But, since the Professor was immortal, his death by T-Rex isn’t permanent and he gets rebirthed and lives until the present day (potentially starting a loop maybe??). Oops! Now there are two of them. So yeah. Editing me, please make sense of these unhinged ramblings. (mmmmm nah, don’t feel like it)

[deanwanddamons]

The Best Weekend Of Your Life - Chapter 1

Summary: You are obsessed with Supernatural and go to a convention with your best friend. You are 100% a Dean girl while your friend is a Sam girl. Both Jensen and Jared are single in this. You both catch the guys attention and things go from there.

Pairing: Jensen x reader, Jared x readers best friend

Word Count: 2774

Warning: Romance, fluff 

Song for chapter: https://youtu.be/xDeyXWyM4Oo - Thunder - Loved Walked In

It was finally here. You and F/N have been waiting months for the Supernatural convention and have managed to book a room in the same hotel it’s being held in for the whole weekend. You are both obsessed with the show. You have lost count of the amount of times you have fantasized about Jensen Ackles. The way his hands would feel on your skin, how he would smell and how your name would sound coming from those perfect lips. This was going to be a weekend to remember.

It had taken you a long time and many outfit changes to decide what you were going to wear. Finally you made your mind up and went for your trusty tight fitting Levi’s, a black bodysuit with lace sleeves, black knee high boots with 4 inch stiletto heels and cropped leather biker jacket. You had your hair dyed the deep shade of red you knew suited you and your 80’s rock chick makeup was down to a fine art.

Waiting at the train station with F/N, you can’t contain your excitement. You feel like a child on Christmas morning.

‘Fuck F/N! I can’t believe we are really going to see them in the flesh! I just know I’m gonna do something stupid in front of Jensen though. You know what I’m like!’

‘Yep Y/N, you are pretty clumsy but I’m pretty sure they are going to be way too busy to take any notice of us anyway. Can you imagine how many other people are going to be there?’ said F/N.

Your heart sinks when you realise all the effort you put into your outfit and make up will no doubt be for nothing, but you can’t let the boys see you without at least trying to look good.

The train pulls up and you and F/N board. It’s only a 20 minute journey and you could have easily come home rather than fork out £120 for a room, but you didn’t want to miss any part of the convention and the last train was at 10.20pm.

You arrive at the hotel and check into your room. Glancing at your watch you see it’s 11.30am, and the Q&A with the cast starts at 12pm so you and F/N just have time to unpack your cases, touch up your makeup, and spray some perfume. You take one last glance at your reflection ‘You're going to knock them dead Y/N’ you whisper.

Leaving the room you make your way to the lifts. Following the signs through reception, you enter a huge function room with what must be 1,000 chairs and the same amount of people milling about. There is a stage at the front of the room, with stools, microphones and a guitar setup. Your heart is beating a tattoo in your chest and you feel like you’re finding it hard to breath you’re that excited.

‘Quick Y/N,’ says F/N ‘There are two chairs right at the front!’ She grabs your hand and with a determined shove, pushes through the crowd. You reach the chairs just as two other girls get to them. Being her usual feisty self F/N dives in front of them glaring up at them, ‘I don’t think so!’ she hisses and plonks herself down, pulling you onto the other chair giggling as the girls slink away.

Getting yourself comfortable you pull out the itenary for the weekend. Other cast members are going to be answering questions, but you are only really interested in the boys. You have your ticket ready for the photo opportunity with them, and can’t wait for the moment you finally get to interact with Jensen. The talk from others who have met him is that he is much taller in real life than he seems on TV. That's why you wore heels in case it's true. You stand at 5ft without them, so that you don't want to look like a proper short arse beside him. And with Jared being 6ft 4 you would look even more ridiculous without heels. Luckily F/N is 5ft 8 with a body like a supermodel so she is going to look amazing next to Jared.

F/N grabs your hand and squeezes it, smiling broadly at you as the lights go down. Richard Speight Jr and Rob Benedict, the MC’s walk onto the stage.

One by one they introduce a few of the Supernatural cast. With thunderous applause, Jim Beaver, Ruth Connell, Mark Sheppard and Samantha Smith take to the stage, and entertain the crowd, answering questions and telling stories about each other. Finally, even though you have really enjoyed hearing them speak, it is time for the main attraction.

Your heart starts thumping and you feel your palms getting clammy when Richard announces ‘And now for the moment you have all been waiting for! Please welcome Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki!’

F/N starts squealing ‘Oh My God’ over and over again grabbing your arm. This is it! You’re finally going to see him!

And there he is. All 6ft 1 of him. Broad chest and shoulders, dressed in tight blue jeans, plaid shirt and cowboy boots. You have never seen anyone so beautiful in your entire life. Your heart literally stops and your breath catches in your throat.

Jensen looks around the room smiling and waving, and his eyes glance past you. His head swings back. Amazing green eyes meet yours. He grins straight at you and your stomach falls into your feet. Wait...did that really just happen? Did he pick you out from the crowd or was it just wishful thinking? You look behind you, thinking he must have been distracted by someone or something else, but when you turn back towards the stage those eyes are still staring at you. With a shy, almost coy smile, he lowers his eyes and turns away.

You spin around to look at F/N but she is mesmerised, staring at Jared. Her mouth hangs open, eyes shining. You have to admit, he is a very good looking guy, but nothing compared to Jensen. You’re still not sure what just happened with him. Could he really have been looking at you?

‘Don’t be stupid,’ you tell yourself, ‘there are hundreds of people in this room, why would he be looking at you!?’

You realise you’re not actually taking in anything that’s going on on the stage as you are so caught up in your own little fantasy, so you snap yourself out of it, and get your head back in the room. The boys are sitting on the stools, microphones in hand poised for questions. A plethora of shouts come from the crowd, so Jensen raises his hand, causing the room to fall silent.

‘Good evening Manchester!’ he says and bows followed by Jared. ‘Let’s crack on with the questions’

As you are at the front of the auditorium you have the best view of the boys. Questions come from people all around you, about Supernatural, their relationship with each other, other casts members and their personal lives.

‘Yes we are both single,’ Jared answers which raises a woop from the crowd.

F/N nudges you and winks ‘I swear Jensen is looking at you!’ nodding her head towards him. You glance up, and sure enough, those mesmerising eyes meet yours. You hold his gaze, smiling slightly, and tilt your head to the side. You can feel your cheeks start to redden but are determined not to be the first one to look away.

Just then, Jared starts nudging him, ‘Hey buddy! Cat got your tongue?!’

He turns away, smirking, but not before slowly licking those incredible plump lips. F/N almost loses it, gripping your hand whispering, ‘He is totally flirting with you I’m telling you!’

‘Don’t be mental!’ you tell her, laughing, but inside your shaking. Is he? No, he can’t be?

The questions keep on coming until Jensen picks up the guitar. There is an audible hush around the room when he starts to play. His fingers move quickly and deftly over the strings and you recognise the song. It’s ‘Love Walked In’ by Thunder. He slowly raises his head to the microphone, looks you straight in the eye and starts to sing.

‘So tired of waiting I walked an empty land

I was looking for something to help me understand But bad luck kept turning my dreams into sand I didn't want pity, I had my share of friends I wanted somebody more special than the rest I was aching inside like I was approaching the end Just about that moment the timing was so right You appeared like a vision sent down to my life I thought I was dreaming when I saw you that night

That's when love walked in through my door That familiar feeling I had once before love walked in through my door And it felt so strange’

You stare intently at him the whole time he is singing. The look on his face and the sparkle in his eyes makes you realise that you haven’t been imagining it. It’s as though you are the only two people in the room. You are certain that time has stopped and your lungs fail to take in deep breaths.

All too soon the song ends to huge applause. Jensen finally averts his gaze from yours and puts the guitar back on its stand.

‘Thank you so much!’ he says bowing ‘hopefully see you at the photo opportunity!’ The boys leave the stage, both of them glancing over their shoulders straight at you and F/N.

‘What the fuck just happened then!’ F/N yells throwing her arms around you in tight hug. ‘That man wants you Y/N. He didn’t stop staring at you the whole time he was singing! It’s as though he was undressing you with his eyes!’

Could she be right? All sorts of thoughts are flying around your brain. He probably does this all the time. Chooses someone in the crowd to make feel good for those few moments, then moves on to the next girl.

F/N looks at her watch,‘Come on Y/N. The photo opp with the boys is starting now. I can’t wait to get my hands on Jared!’

You and F/N rush through the throng of people to a side room where quite a crowd has gathered. You sigh, knowing it’s going to be a long wait for you to see Jensen again. The queue seems to go on forever and you can feel yourself getting more and more impatient. After what feels like an eternity, you can finally see them. Laughing and smiling with fans, camera flashes going off all around. F/N sequels, clapping her hands together. ‘Almost there Y/N!’

It’s your turn. Jensen has his back to you, a glass of water in his hand. He turns, and spots you waiting. His beautiful face lights up, lips turning into the biggest smile and he beckons you over. You can hardly move your legs they are shaking so much, but you manage to put one foot in front of the other and walk over to him.

‘Hey!’ He says, his 6ft 1 frame huge compared to yours. You catch a faint whiff of his aftershave and he smells incredible.

“H-hi." you stutter, closing your eyes tightly as you silently curse yourself for your nerves.

‘What’s your name?’ he asks beaming at you.

‘I’m Y/N and this is F/N.’ Gesturing to your friend, but she is completely distracted by Jared who is already engaged in a full blown conversation with her.

‘Y/N,’ he says quietly in his deep, sexy voice. Wow! It sounded even better than you ever imagined when you had fantasised about this moment. ‘I saw you in the crowd, you were sat at the front right?’ He asks.

‘Yes,’ you reply, ‘And you sang one of my favorite songs!’

‘I could tell by looking at you that you would be a rock chick,’ he responds, eyes travelling down your body, back up to your face, ‘girl after my own heart.’

You swallow hard, not quite believing you are having this conversation with him. ‘Look’ he says, putting his arm around you and pulling you towards him. He looks around conspiratorially, ‘I hate the fact we only get a few minutes to chat to everyone, and this is really not something I would normally do, but I can’t leave this town not having gotten to know you a little bit better.’

Your heart stops then quickly picks up its beat again. ‘Well, we are here for the weekend so if you have any down time....’ you say confidently, although inside you have turned to jelly.

Jensen turns away, reaches for a piece of paper and a pen, ‘Write your number down, quickly, before they move you long,’ he chuckles, handing them to you. You do as he asks. The photographer is growing impatient, so Jensen whispers 'How about photo of us?’ and slides his arm around your waist. You reach behind him and silently slip the paper with your number on into the back pocket of his jeans. You feel the swell of his fantastic ass under your hand as you do so and are amazed at how wonderful it feels.

He looks at you and winks, understanding what you have just done, and places his hand on your face, turning you to look at him just as the camera goes off. You smirk up at him, staring into his eyes, hoping this moment could last forever.

‘Can I text you later?’ he husks. All you can do is nod. He gives you a quick hug and steps away from you. You feel F/N grab your arm,shouting ‘Thanks guys you are amazing!’ as she pulls you away.

‘You are not going to believe what just happened!’ F/N squeals, jumping up and down on the spot.

‘Jared asked for your number?’ you ask.

‘How did you know?’

‘Because Jensen asked for mine too!’ You grin as you say it, still not believing it just happened ‘Don’t get too excited though,’ you warn F/N, ‘it doesn’t mean to say they will contact us.’

‘Come on,’ you say to F/N, ‘Let’s check out the expedition hall. I’m starving and there are food and drink stands there. Let’s grab something to eat.’

You're not really that hungry, but need to do something to occupy yourself and after that encounter with Jensen, you need some sugar. You make your way towards the hall, and wander around trying to decide what to get. There’s plenty on offer, and decide on a pancake with maple syrup, and a Diet Coke, hoping it will calm the butterflies that are zooming around in your stomach. F/N heads off to find somewhere to sit as you go to the stand to place your orders.

Tray in hand, you make your way through the crowd to the table she has found. Dropping down into the seat opposite F/N, you take a small bite of your food. It’s delicious, but your mouth is so dry you find it hard to swallow. You take a sip of the Diet Coke, and try to relax.

The first few bars of ‘Back in Black’ alerts you that you have a text, so you pull your phone from your back pocket.

‘Fucking hell!’ You almost drop it when you see the message. Jensen has actually texted you! What the fuck!? How are you going to respond?

‘Nnnooooo,’ F/N yells snatching the phone off you, almost choking on her pancake. ‘Oh my God Y/N. Answer him!’

You take the phone back off her and hand shaking, type a message back. The responses come thick and fast.

CHAPTER TWO

[lullabiesandgoodbyes]

Tagging @madsdefencesquad, and thank you so much for the opportunity to rant about my girls, since this fandom pays little to no attention to them and that’s not right! *-*

So, Kate and Madison, where do I start?

I don’t know, maybe with the fact that they started at such a rough place. Kate wasn’t exactly impressed by Madison when they first met, and I’m sure that’s how we’re supposed to feel about her too ( “why is this skinny girl complaining about her weight amidst all of those obese people? surely she’s only there to make herself feel better...” ). We’re probably even meant to stand by her side when she snaps:

« Oh, for God's sake! Madison, you weigh 105 pounds! If you feel like a fat girl when you look in the mirror, why don't you step a damn scale? And when the scale reads "One, zero, five," you know that you're not fat. »

And this is only the second episode.

The thing I’ve come to wonder the most about that whole year they shared through the support group, though: Madison doesn’t seem to hate Kate back. In fact, the first time she eventually opens her mouth, here’s what caught my attention:

«  Why do you hate me? »

It was something I didn’t notice on my first watch, since back then I too was highly suspicious of Madison, but she sounds frustrated when Kate stands up against her again; so frustrated, she actually follows her to the parking lot to confront her about her behavior, despite not being the confrontational type. And when Kate reafirms her core problem with Madison ( «Because you're annoying and you shouldn't be here» ), how does she backfire?

« Well, I think you're annoying. The way that you and your fiancé come here every week and smile and giggle at each other when some of us don't have anyone to do that with. »

Now that we know more about her, I think it’s plausible that Madison, a lonely girl with low self-esteem who joined a support group for body issues and got shunned because of her body, kind of envied Kate, who had no trouble fitting in because she was fat, spoke her mind without worrying about hurt feelings and even found love right under everyone’s noses. She could go to those meetings and talk about how miserable she felt, but I can imagine Madison thinking to herself that Kate was everything she wanted to be.

Well, we all know how that scene ended, right? They tap cars, Kate gets scared and eventually tells her she’s pregnant. I’ve always loved how a single word - together with Kate’s vulnerability - managed to dissipate all the anger and frustration that Madison was displaying just a few seconds before. And now that we know she had been told to be infertile? She could have hated her for it ( honestly, how many times have we seen it happening on screen between female characters? ), but instead chose to be happy for her.

And it’s the loss of said pregnancy that makes Madison approach her again. Notice her facial expressions as Kate opens up during the meeting. She tells them « You know, after the miscarriage, I just needed some comfort, you know? So I found that in Taco Bell. » and you can see she just gets it - Madison would later admit « I was really upset when I got home. So I ate. So much. » The truth is, at the end of the day, they’re not that different from each other: they get hurt or overwhelmed by life, they overeat, they feel terrible about it. Maybe she’s also feeling alone, as if no one understands her, maybe not even her fiancé, who used to be one of them and now is not - but Madison does and I think that made the difference.

I’ve always found it so endearing that she went to Kate after the meeting to invite her to shop for the wedding dress. <3 Not just because she was honestly trying to make her feel better ( «Let me help you clear this hurdle.» ) but mostly because there’s a chance she used her own experiences and ( we assume ) connections to make sure Kate would feel better: from assuring she wouldn’t have to try the dresses, that she was free to leave as soon as she felt uncomfortable, to book the appointment so they’d be alone and away from unpleasant looks, she knew how to make it a nice experience. And she did it because, following my previous interpretations, the girl who was getting all the things she wanted for herself had just lost her baby and was now on the verge of also losing one of the most exciting moments from her journey to the altar, and she couldn’t let it happen. <333

So, while they’re out having fun, we end up finding out not only what’s wrong with Madison but also that she’s currently relapsing. She did her best for Kate while at her worst ( is it possible that taking care of others is Madison’s way to care for herself...? ), and Kate notices it. Not happy about it, she actually has the guts to confront her. I don’t think Madison is angry at her for that, but I definitely believe she’s angry at herself for slipping and allowing her to see just how low she has reached. That’s probably why she calls later, after she faints - Kate ain’t easy and not yet a friend, but now she knows what’s going on with her. More than that, she sounded worried during the confrontation, almost as if she cared and was ready to rethink her opinion on her ( «When you talk in group, it's not about anything... real. Or, at least that's what I thought.» ). And it turns out to be the best decision: Kate ends up taking care of her and even starts opening up about her own experiences with weight and voices whispering crazy things inside your head. She even finishes with a very tender « So... I don't think you're insane », which seems like something Madison craved to listen for a long time. And that was the beautiful beginning of a beautiful friendship. *-*

I’m going a bit over the board now, but one of the things I think Madison does with their friendship is to live through Kate: she organizes her bachelorette party, throws a helping hand at her wedding, offers her support when Kate reveals she’ll probably never have kids and stays by her side all through her pregnancy and Jack’s first challenging year. It’s a shame we never got to see those moments ( fingers crossed for an episode featuring Madison’s backstory, I’d love to know more about her participation in Kate’s life ), and I’m especially fond of the reminiscence of them shopping for the baby:

« We were out after group a few months ago and we passed this baby store. She didn't want to go in. And I was like, "Kate, you need to show the universe you believe this is going to happen." So she got this Ruth Bader Ginsburg doll to give him as soon as he was born. Because she wanted him to be immediately surrounded by strong female influences. »

Found it very adorable that Kate, whose life has mostly been shaped by the men in her life ( her father, her brothers, her husband ), is finally recognizing the impact that strong women can have too. Maybe this wasn’t the interpretation the writers were aiming at, but I absolutely loved that her first thought was to have her son surrounded by tough ladies, so they can teach him to be strong like her mother, her best friend and even her sister-in-law at some point have taught her.

Reciprocally, I believe this friendship taught a lot to Madison too. She’s clearly more mature by the time she opens up to Kate regarding her own views on relationships and what she wants from them ( «What you and Toby have, what I dream of finding, is that intimacy. It's letting people see the worst part of you without being scared.» ), and yes, I think a lot of that stemmed from her interactions with Kate and the entire Pearson clan. She’s estranged from her family, so maybe it’s not far-fetched to assume she needed to feel part of one to understand their dynamics and, who knows, maybe gain the courage to finally start one of her own...? 

I guess that’s part of the reason why the whole showdown at the waiting room when Jack was born hurt so much. Notice how the scene went:

« KEVIN: I'm sorry, what exactly are you doing here?

MADISON: Oh, I, um... No, it's, uh, it's weird that I'm here. This is a... family thing. »

And later, after she tries to justify her actions to Miguel:

«  MADISON: But I should go. Kevin's right, I... it's weird that I'm here. I'm not family. »

I know you can say that Kevin made his feelings very obvious in that first scene, but he never said she wasn’t family, she did. Like, Madison has created strong ties to the Pearsons and feels like one of them but, deep inside, where her self-esteem and sense of belonging are still fragile, she knows she’s not. She’s still not sure she’s entitled to be there and Kevin, very unpleasantly, makes it very clear to her - you don’t belong here. But right when she’s about to leave, Madison’s loyal heart speaks louder, forcing her to stay despite her contraditory feelings, at least until Miguel helps her to find a way to do something for Kate and the baby.

By the way, I know I’m diverging from the main topic of this ask, but I love, love, LOVE how Miguel is the one supporting her on this episode. He wants to be supportive of Rebecca and his stepsons, but she’s basically away from there and both Randall and Kevin are refraining from him; then comes Madison, as lost and worried as he is, and she actually allows him to comfort her. 

Also love how, by the end of it, they both get the same recognition:

« Thank you for putting up with us. »

I don’t know, man, I just can’t think it’s a coincidence...

-

So, you probably didn’t expect an essay on the matter and I’m sorry for it, sometimes I get too excited. ^-^’ I’m also not sure I made much sense through it, second languages can be too much sometimes. But this is where I’m standing so far, and I’m very glad for the opportunity to organize my thoughts about them. I’m now eager to see what S5 will bring us, with Madison becoming an official Pearson member - whether she’s Kevin’s wife or not, she’s the mother of his children and we’ll always have that - and how this will affect her relationship with Kate.

Oh, and let’s never forget my favorite quote related to these two:

« Is it that CrossFit bitch? I'll kill her. Is it Toby? I'll kill him. You just say the word, I will “Kill Bill” all of them and help you raise that child myself. »

I love my girls. <3

[singofsolace]

I love it so much!! I love that you continue to give Zelda’s traumas and grief the attention they deserve! The way she tells the passage of time by how long it’s been since Sabrina died conveys how completely life altering her death is for Zelda. And I love that you address why the mortal fathers of Sabrina’s friends weren’t at the funeral. Mr Putnam is so kind and gentle, it makes sense that Hilda would feel moved by his visit and his words of condolence. When she allows herself to express some

(continued) grief and embraces Mr Putnam I was in tears myself. Zelda’s ‘overreaction’ is totally in character. She’s not only a grieving mother and her trauma from her marriage is still very fresh, so the outburst fits and reminds me of her outburst about not being called Lady Blackwood. Any acknowledgment that she was married would trigger her, considering how horrific that experience was. I’m glad Mr Putnam seemed to sense that her reaction wasn’t about him and that he was understanding. 

Zelda’s interaction with Reverend Walker was also so good! Her aversion to his touch and her anger at being called ‘fallen’ and his other assumptions about her family felt very Zelda. I also loved her defence of Rosalind. I can imagine that his lies and the hurt that would cause Roz would be difficult for someone who just lost her own daughter to bear. Zelda is always ready to defend children from their fathers, but especially now. 

Which leads us to Mr Kinkle. Theirs was the interaction I was most curious about and you did a brilliant job with it! I love that you staged their scene in the graveyard where they last interacted. She’s cordial and you can tell she feels a certain amount of empathy towards him. They’ve both lost children. But she also hasn’t forgiven or forgotten his treatment of his son (like the writers apparently did).The memories of her own father were heartbreaking and they make it clear why she was so hurt when Hilda accused her of being an alcoholic like their father in ‘even losing you’. His threat was absolutely terrifying and realistic considering that he surely noticed that she had used magic to stop him from hurting Harvey. It always bothered me so much that there was never any consequences for that. 

And finally, Dr Cee literally running to her rescue was the sweetest thing!! I love that he’s the one to see them and come to her aid and I also love the fact that Zelda still has agency and is the one to push Mr Kinkle to the ground. It’s a great blend of having her supported and cared for without making her a damsel in distress. I also love that she’s slowly learning to trust him and that she treats him with respect. Beautiful, beautiful fic! 

First of all, I’m so sorry this lovely message went unanswered for so long. I’m really terrible at answering comments in a timely fashion, and I’m very sorry for it. I tend to want to give a response worthy of the comment, so I put it to the side to wait while I think of something sufficiently brilliant to say in response, and then the messages collect dust. 

grief became a sword inside her heart feels different to some of the other stories I’ve written, and I think you’ve captured that in your response to it, that Zelda still has so much pain inside her, and through her interactions with these men, you can sort of plot her journey of wading through that pain. I’m so glad, too, that the moment Hilda has with Mr. Putnam registered as an equally important one. Sometimes, in my dogged focus on Zelda’s suffering, I neglect giving Hilda the space to wrestle with her own. But seeing as Hilda and Mr. Putnam took Theo and Sabrina to see Santa Claus together, I wanted there to be some acknowledgment that these two characters have more history together than the brief moments we get in canon.

The Reverend Walker section was a challenge, because CAOS itself seemed to forget he existed, which frustrates me to no end. Canon fails to address the fact that Roz’s dad lied to her all of her life, and blamed her grandma for her own disability...?!?! Like I feel like we don’t talk enough about the fact that Roz was raised to believe that Nana Ruth’s lack of faith was responsible for her own blindness, and that therefore blindness was a divine “punishment,” and not, you know, a common disability that neither Ruth nor Roz should be shamed for having. It was important to me that that conversation happen in this fic, and that it would happen publicly, because we’ve seen in the past that Zelda isn’t always as careful as she should be to protect her witch status when a child is being harmed by their father. The fixing of the suit moment was something I stole from both canon and the blooper reel, because there’s just something about the way that Zelda/Miranda preens suits that feels like both an ingrained gesture, and a weapon, if that makes sense? like it’s an excuse to publicly invade a man’s space without it necessarily reading on the surface as an aggressive or seductive move, despite being both of those things. Appearances are important to Zelda, in a way that can’t be dismissed as simply vanity or tradition--particularly after the Caligari spell. And while I’m not sure all of that “reads” in the fic, I’m so glad that you loved her defense of Rosalind. 

And thank you so much for noticing the fact that the “setting” of the third section is meant to directly parallel Tommy’s funeral scene! I wanted history to repeat itself, but with a slant, you know? And Mr. Kinkle is drunk again because the charm that Sabrina put on the eggnog was broken by her death. I have this theory that when a witch dies, any outstanding spells would be broken. I also just feel like it’s really offensive to anyone who struggles with alcohol abuse, or domestic violence, to then act like charmed eggnog would magically cure Mr. Kinkle of both his addiction AND his abusive nature, as if those things are something you can just flip a switch on, you know?

And when it comes to Dr. Cee, I just really love the idea that, for perhaps the first time in Zelda’s life, she has a solely positive male presence in her life. And slowly but surely, you can see that she’s starting to trust in his goodness, you know? I’m soft just thinking about it.

Anyway, this is getting extremely long. I just want to say THANK YOU SO MUCH and I’m sorry I take so long to answer these. I appreciate your feedback and support more than I can say.